Killer Monay: pregnancy

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A Pleasant Surprise

written by killerbread comments (1)

I have missed my monthly period... twice.

I bought a pregnancy test stick last week. Negative.

I bought another one last Wednesday and you can tell by simply looking at the following picture

it is definitely a negative.

Still something tells me that there is something wrong "here". So I decided to visit the nearest laboratory.

I wore the oversized jacket that I got from Ateneo and pants that I can easily slip out of. It was a gloomy Friday - my kinda day. It has two of my favorite words: "gloomy" - my favorite type of weather and "Friday" - the day I am reborn weekly. I took a tricycle and plugged my ears with music. When the tricycle stopped in front of the lab, I felt nervous and at the same time fuzzy. I paid my bill and made myself comfy in the monoblock chair closest to the small TV. They were watching Bleach that time. I shut Adele and tried to watch but my mind kept wandering. Old ultrasound results. Maternity dresses. Getting doubly fat. Ugh.

"Ma...Mendoza?" the lab technician called cutting me off from my musings. "Mario Mendoza?" the lab tech repeated. "The frag...?" I thought to myself. "What are the odds?"

I went back to daydreaming but tried not to be too absorbed and then they called my name. I waited for a few minutes then a female lab tech asked me to get in. When the procedure began I was kinda jumpy. Not a good thing when you have something between your legs. "That's your uterus. It's clear." Yep! The PTs were accurate. I am not pregnant. "Okay, so negative talaga. ( it really is negative)". "Hold on. We haven't seen the rest yet." He said. Great! I'm not preggers!

I was watching the monitor until the sonographer froze the screen and talked to me again. "See those grape-like clusters? Your right ovary is polycystic." Cysts...

Ultrasound of my Polycystic Right Ovary

*********************************************************************************
Right ovary measures 3.25 x 12.3 x 1.54 cm with multiple cystic lesion noted which are arranged in the periphery, the widest diameter measures about .54 cm.

Diagnosis:
NORMAL SIZE ANTEVERTED UTERUS WITH SLIGHTLY THICKENED ENDOMETRIUM .
POLYCYSTIC RIGHT OVARY.
NORMAL LEFT OVARY AND CERVIX.
*********************************************************************************

I couldn't see my face but if I could, I think a little bit of color must have escaped it. He didn't sound serious so I assumed it wasn't all that bad. I walked to the terminal and I can feel my weakening knees.

PCOS or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome isn't curable according to one website but a change in lifestyle might get things back where they should be. Dang...

I went to that lab to see if there's a spark of life in my womb only to find a speck of death in my ovaries. I really hope that the cysts were simply caused by my obesity and nothing more. Maybe I'm overreacting to my situation but still... It makes me worry for my husband and my son. And now you know that the title I chose is ironic.

Reverse Metamorphosis

written by killerbread comments (0)

I can still remember my weight when I was a third year high school student. It was 49 kilograms (108 pounds). I had a very slim figure back then but my friends seem to be surprised that I weighed that much at such a young age. Some said I probably have big bones or my muscles are "siksik".

Before pregnancy, I weighed 56.5 kilograms. This is a picture of me in year 2008. Just a year before my pregnancy.

Come July 2009, my weight didn't change much. I even lost a few more pounds. Thanks to morning sickness and my fussiness over food. But that was brief. After a few months, I started to have the "munchies". I didn't gain weight right away which made me feel lucky and think that I am not the type of preggy who blows up like a balloon animal. WRONG!

On my third trimester, I reached 70 kilograms. I was told by doctors to go easy on the rice. Well, I did listen. But only when the bun in the oven already got too big that he started pushing the food in my stomach upwards whenever I ate or drank too much. I also had to admit I was a hard-headed, hormone-driven foodie. I used to stash sugary food in my desk drawers. Coca-cola, chocolates, doughnuts, Zagu, and Mountain Dew. I used to defend the latter about it's low (or zero, not sure) caffeine content but ignored its sugar. I also loved pasta, pizza and ice cream. The only healthy stuff I put in my piehole are the occasional fruits my father supposedly bought for the baby and my prenatal vitamins.

Ahhh! The joys of gluttony!

And the woes of my clothes... After giving birth to my little monster (7 pounds) I was able to shed a few pounds. I lost a measly 10 pounds... I didn't feel so fat. In fact. whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I see a sexier and curvier version of me. I didn't even care about how frequently the people seem to notice how I have "grown". This illusion went on for some months until I recovered a set of pictures from 2008 and 2009 and juxtapose it to a more recent picture of mine. I almost cried... The illusion was shattered and the lens refused to lie. I tried on my old clothes, the similar ones in the pictures. The shirts would rip if I continue putting them on. My jeans won't even go higher than my thighs. My hardy rubber shoes might not have complained but my feet did hurt after coming home from work.

Last month, we had our annual physical examination. They classified me under "OBESE"... When I went out of the Nutrition Section, I said: "The f...?" a little too loud. The five-letter word was better than espresso or a spicy Bloody Mary. Mother of FAT!!! I am OBESE? There has to be something wrong with that chart. I don't look that heavy... On and on I tried to convince myself I was just a victim of an untrained public servant who doesn't know how to read weight charts in my days of denial. I have to admit I lost more than half of my self-esteem and probably a quarter of my self-respect. (sigh) Those days when I used to be concerned with my "fat legs" and broad hips... I should've appreciated myself more.

2008 and 2010 - a matter of two years

"BUT THEN AGAIN..."- I love the optimism behind this phrase. I usually end my writings with these words after expressing regrets. Maybe I always try too hard to hide my pessimism in life. So, I'll try to be more realistic in wrapping up this blog entry.

I'm fat. I am struggling to lose weight. I am not letting go of my old clothes (yet). If all else fails, I will simply try to find a way to love this massive piece of flesh that I call "MY BODY". *Listens to Fat-Bottomed Girls by Queen *

Killer Monay

Unleash the monster within...

A Pleasant Surprise

Reverse Metamorphosis

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